Do you React or Respond?

When something triggers us and we react impulsively, we don't get the chance to consider what the end result will be.

Reactions arise out of fear or past conditioning in the subconscious and are survival-oriented, which coincides with an activated sympathetic nervous system. A reaction through the lens of this mental conditioning is ego-centric, because your system essentially views the stimulus as an attack to the self. Thus, a reaction ends up dividing and separating us from another and usually creates more problems for all involved.

Life isn’t determined by what happens to us but by how we respond to what happens. We have no real control over external events that arise. If we allow external events to dictate how we feel inside, we relinquish the only control we really have, the control of our inner space.

There is a difference between a reaction and response. When we are more mindful, and no longer see happenings as personal, we are able to respond with more clarity and alignment to the present moment. We can pause, take a deep breath, and create space around our emotions to observe the situation as it is and respond with congruence and rationality. This is the ability to hold mindful awareness of whatever emotions we are experiencing while maintaining access to higher centers of the brain to remain grounded in order to make decisions and respond.

When we react to a situation with a negative knee jerk reaction, we are effectively making the present moment our enemy. Make the present moment your friend and it is more likely that circumstances become helpful. If we treat the present moment as our enemy, then life is our enemy.

Being mindful is not the same thing as suppressing our emotions. Mindfulness allows us to experience our emotions without becoming them. It allows us to create space and observe our internal reaction before letting them control the external world. Practicing mindfulness over time allows us to respond differently than our pre-programmed emotional reactions in a way that doesn't give them more power.

By cultivating mindful awareness, we can learn to stop reacting to external stimuli and start responding to them rather than being controlled by them. Practicing meditation can prepare us by allowing us to look within to find the source of our reactions and suffering. This requires persistent effort, but remember that any time we notice these feelings arising, there is an opportunity to practice.

Practice:

Before next encountering a conflict situation, we can use some tools to prepare us in advance.

1. Begin a mindfulness practice by taking note of your bodily sensations and overall mental and physical space throughout the day. This includes your thoughts, breathing, tension in the body, temperature, etc. This allows you to begin cultivating an awareness of your inner space.

2. Notice what happens in your mind body space when a mildly irritating event happens (e.g. getting every red light, or standing in a long line). Before you give in to the feeling of complaining, pause, take a deep slow breath, and see if you can replace the complaint with something to be grateful for in the moment. It could be a tiny, simple thing.

3. The next time that you encounter a person or situation where you notice an overreaction stirring within, pause and create a space between the stimulus and the response. Observe the feelings doing their thing in your body, allow them, but do not go along with the feeling. Don't take it on and run with it. Try to depersonalize the situation and see that your essence is not in danger. Then, you can determine a response that could be beneficial and cooperative for the present situation.